why i write

because there are voices in my head that need to come out.

because there are words that i can't simply say, i need to

SHOUT and what better way, than through the medium of

literature. because there are stories that my own voice can't

remember well enough to tell; because there are accusations

that my voice isn't loud enough to yell; because there are

some things, that need a more permanent home on paper, to

prevent them being swept away by the air. because it's in me,

to write. because somewhere in my veins there are several

different strains of literature, and they need a way to come

out. it feels like lately, my own heartbeat rumbles along in

the same rhythm of Shakespeare's feet and that kind of bond

isn't a coincidence. i write so i am not ignored. so i leave an

imprint on this world even if it is just a footprint on the vast

space of the internet. even if i only ever write poems that

people will always forget, consciously. i live in hope that

subconsciously, they're carrying a piece of me and that, will

be a good enough justification, of why i spent my life writing.

fat girls don't get laid

they tell me i'm a clown, as a term of endearment. they mean it

in a nice way although i'm never sure what to say when they brand

me as the funny one. it feels like a polite synonym for the ugly one.

the one that people don't notice, that is, until i crack a joke; then,

i'm the bell of the ball. free entertainment for all. i'll admit that in

the right situation, i'm a fucking hoot, but that doesn't compensate

for the fact that my sex appeal is on mute and some idiot lost my

remote. the globe of my gut will shudder with pleasure at every

inappropriate joke i endeavour but at the end of the night, no one

wants to go home with the funny, fat chick. no. she isn't the right

kind of stimulant for a di-

so i will remain a clown. i will spit out one-liners and cruel verbal

concoctions with a sarcastic spin, i'll be so open that you'll think

i've let you all in but actually, i'm a closed book. a big book. with

pages torn and stained. by the sad and hurtful reality, that

fat girls don't get laid.